Together we can get rid of these nuisances

I see that the Trading Standards Institute has got its act together to help people fight back against annoying door-to-door salesmen. About blooming time, I say! Trading Standards recommend us residents to get together and create no-go-zones for the likes of double-glazing boys, household cleaning product vendors, peg-sniffers, gypsies with leftover tarmac... Need I go on?

The association of time-wasters (also known as the Direct Selling Association) say their members are just trying to earn an honest bob, guv'nor. Poppycocks.

If any residents of Alice Bright Lane and its environs would like to join me, I shall be following the Trading Standards' advice to put up signs saying that these undesireables are not wanted in Crowborough. I would like to take this further, and possibly see what people think about heading up and moving out these people when they are in the area (Rawhide-style, my favourite Western).

In these times of starving Africans, cricket people are wasting water in Tunbridge Wells

I had to journey to London today for a drapery industry reunion, in order to meet some good old pals of mine. I parked my Volvo on Tunbridge Wells Common, near the Linden Park cricket ground - there's always ample free space there. As I ambled down to catch my train drive, I spotted a water sprinkler in action, dowsing the wickets. I thought this was fair enough, as the wickets did look a bit sticky.

Imagine my surprise, as after my day out in the City, I returned to see the silly groudsman persist in flooding the pitch with yet more water. It was absolutely soaked! This is just not cricket. I shall be writing to the CCC (and Southern Water) to complain.