Howard Thompson

Can you hear me?

2007-10-29T19:08:00.001Z

TEST

Rubbish-sniffing!

2007-10-28T13:55:00.000Z

I put my Wealden bin out on Tuesday night, and was awoken from my dreams of the Green Goddess by a raucous noise out on the street. When I got up and put on my powerful haolgen light, I watched two youths stumble off down the road, leaving my opened dustbin, with smoke drifting out of it.

I was later to learn from Gerry, my neighbour, that these two scallywags were indulging in a practice called "rubbish-sniffing"! Apparently, green waste bins are sought for this new narcotic experience. What are we coming to?

My Terms and Conditions

2007-10-05T16:53:00.000Z

I am currently composing my personal own Terms and Conditions that utility companies, retailers and the like will have to sign if they want my business. I will of course post them on the World Wide Web when I have prepared them.

The new London 2012 Olympics logo

2007-06-05T20:46:00.000Z

What do I think? Bloody awful.

Teletrouble

2007-05-07T11:14:00.000Z

Does anyone else realise that the children who are going round stabbing people on our streets, are the ones who were raised on Teletubbies?

IACGMOOH

2006-12-05T17:16:00.000Z

To brighten up the next I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here (Mrs T's favourite), can I suggest both Ant and Dec become contestants?

2006-10-03T18:51:00.000Z

A few weeks ago, I travelled all the way to Leeds Castle with Mrs Thompson, to see their special hot air ballons weekend.

After reading on their Web site that "Morning lift-off takes place between
6.45am and 7.15am" I left Crowborough at 06:50, but when I arrived at
the attraction, was told I had missed all the balloons!

I scanned the sky and drove around following Mrs T's instructions, trying to catch a glimpse, but saw nothing!

Self-portrait

2006-09-13T21:58:00.000Z

Crowborough Caves

2006-09-13T20:46:00.000Z

Regular readers out there will know all about one of the several hats I wear, that of Secretary of the Friends of the Caves of Crowborough.

I have now set up a new site for all the comings and goings at the Cave. Please visit it and support our worthy cause: Crowborough Caves Blog Space

Further to my entry below

2006-04-30T10:00:00.000Z

For the first time, I now have mushrooms growing in my lawn.

Drought?!

2006-04-23T12:36:00.000Z

Where is this drought? Why can't I use my hose?

It's Sunday morning, it's pouring with rain and my garden is like a Chinese paddy field. These water companies are having a laugh.

Can you believe this?...

2006-04-15T12:28:00.000Z

My local "news" paper, the Kent and Sussex Courier has wasted a couple of paragraphs on some "model's" dead dog!

This is on page 41 of this week's paper:-

"A PUPPY belonging to glamour model Jordan and her hubby Peter Andre has drowned in their neighbour's swimming pool in Maresfield. The Staffordshire bull terrier belonging to the village's most famous busty blonde was reported missing to police last week, but was only found when the neighbours returned from holiday and found the puppy called Buster floating under their pool cover."

I don't know what's happened, but the paper has gone downhill ever since ex-editor, Mr Giles Broadbent mysteriously left. He was regularly in the press, with his annoying chipmuck smile-gurn, but to give the man credit, he was a bloody good local editor.

I am holding the new editor responsible for the frivolus story about Jordan the model's dead puppy.

Come on! Courier staff. Let us have a serious paper, not a HELLO! magazine.

To season or series?

2006-04-10T20:49:00.000Z

What is it with the new term "season" when TV moguls talk up their new programmes?

They are "series", NOT "seasons", people!

Planet Earth

2006-03-28T16:48:00.000Z

I am enjoying watching Dickie Attenborough's latest offering, Planet Earth, every Sunday eve, but my enjoyment is being curtailed by his lapses in concentration.

In one episode (the Mountain one), he said that all the mountains on this Earth were erroding. Then, in next week's epispode (the Freshwater one), he said they were growing.

Also, he said in one programme that the most errosive force in the world are the glaciers. Then next time, he said it was the rivers.

I wish he'd just make his mind up.

My friend, Mr William Chipton

2006-03-24T19:33:00.000Z

From today's Courier newspaper

Crowborough Caves

2006-01-29T12:21:00.000Z

In common with my pledge to make the year 2006 a positive one, may I ask all of you to do your bit to get the Caves of Crowborough open.

Crowborough Caves

New Year's Resolution

2006-01-05T20:27:00.000Z

I do not normally subject myself to resolutions, but following a conversation over the Christmas turkey with Mrs Thompson, I pledge to not complain so much to The Kent and East Sussex Courier this year.

Pantiles ice rink

2005-12-05T18:03:00.000Z

This was NOT an ice rink, but a few pieces of chipboard, sprayed white and heavily polished. It's the only ice rink I've seen on a slope. Disappointing.

Cheap as chippies

2005-11-29T22:35:00.000Z

I have just watched my favourite TV personality, David Dickinson, get voted off Celebrity Survivor. It is a real loss to the show, as Dickinson is a born leader who knows his antiques.

Crowborough fireworks display

2005-11-07T19:54:00.000Z

The annual display was a worthy effort, as usual, although there was some confusion over the commencement time. The bangs were loud and the lights were bright.

Last night's television

2005-10-16T11:39:00.000Z

I have decided to start critically reviewing the television programmes I watch, in an attempt to get my own column in the local newspaper, The Courier.Last night I watched an odd couple who call themselves Ant and Dec on ITV. They were re-enacting the great quiz show, Brucie's Play Your Cards Right.

It was absolute rubbish, so I turned the television set off.

Securitas say sorry

2005-10-03T18:39:00.000Z

UPDATE: The Maidstone branch manager has apologised on behalf of Securitas for the driver who decided to pull out a bollard with his Securitas vehicle. (See below for more details.)

Securitas van knocks over metal bollard

2005-09-15T20:15:00.000Z

Well, I've seen some things in my life, but today took the cheese biscuit. I have just finished writing to Securitas, the security cash collection folk whose slogan is "integrity, vigilance, helpfulness". This is what I have composed:

"Sir,

I could not believe my eyes this afternoon. I was wandering past the Victoria Centre in Tunbridge Wells at aproximately 16:35 hours when I spotted a white transit-type vehicle of your livery straddled across the adjacent pelican crossing. With scant regard for waiting pedestrians, it reversed on to the pavement, and drove forward whereby a a loud 'scuffling' noise was emitted. This was then followed by howls of laughter by watching school children who found it highly amusing that one of your vehicles had just removed from the ground a metal bollard! The tarmac and said piece of street furniture had been completely torn out of the pavement.

Now if that was not bad enough, what happened next was totally unforgiveable. Your driver simply drove home without even stopping! I trust you will be severely reprimanding this employee. For your information I have collected the first four characters of his number plate: Y267.

Please keep me updated on how you deal with this matter. I am more than happy to notify the local police and council about this event, if you so wish.

Yours astonishingly,

Howard Thompson"

PS I now have a new e-mail address, people. It is howard_thompson@hotmail.co.uk, and I understand I can be reached via this method 24 hours a day.

How to get rid of speed cameras

2005-09-08T21:32:00.000Z

I have an excellent idea on how we can remove ugly, unnecessary and expensive speed cameras (otherwise known as 'Gatsos') from our roads. The unemployed should be forced to drive pace cars through our towns, at the requisite speed limit. For example, every twenty-five minutes, such a pace car would be driven at 30 mph between two desired locations in the aforesaid town. This would force all other vehicles behind to stick to the same speed limit.

Let me make clear a few points... One, the unemployed would not be paid for doing this. Two, the pace cars would not be expensive new vehicles, but older models. (Possibly, the government could introduce a scheme whereby the unemployed have to buy these cars). And three, the pace cars would not be able to exceed the agreed speed limit (maybe gears four and five could be removed, from these cars).

I have already contacted my MP and asked to him to question the Prime Minister at the next available Parliamentary session.

Circus runs away from town

2005-07-18T22:10:00.000Z

I see the Big Top has now left Churches Green. I wager that it has left a large circle of dead grass.

Big Top goes up in Crowborough

2005-07-07T22:49:00.000Z

I've been watching the clowns put up the Big Top for Crowborough's play, "The Passion".

I would love to go and watch residents of the town breaking legs, but the theme "A Summer Celebration of the life of Jesus for the 21st Century" really does nothing for me - I am not a religious man.

Security is obviously at the forefront of the organisers' minds. I see there is a caravan on site, a flimsy fence and even CCTV! I must find out who is paying for all this and write a letter to my local newspaper...

Click the words, "The Passion", for more information for your perusal: "The Passion"

Together we can get rid of these nuisances

2005-06-23T20:21:00.000Z

I see that the Trading Standards Institute has got its act together to help people fight back against annoying door-to-door salesmen. About blooming time, I say! Trading Standards recommend us residents to get together and create no-go-zones for the likes of double-glazing boys, household cleaning product vendors, peg-sniffers, gypsies with leftover tarmac... Need I go on?

The association of time-wasters (also known as the Direct Selling Association) say their members are just trying to earn an honest bob, guv'nor. Poppycocks.

If any residents of Alice Bright Lane and its environs would like to join me, I shall be following the Trading Standards' advice to put up signs saying that these undesireables are not wanted in Crowborough. I would like to take this further, and possibly see what people think about heading up and moving out these people when they are in the area (Rawhide-style, my favourite Western).

In these times of starving Africans, cricket people are wasting water in Tunbridge Wells

2005-06-20T19:47:00.000Z

I had to journey to London today for a drapery industry reunion, in order to meet some good old pals of mine. I parked my Volvo on Tunbridge Wells Common, near the Linden Park cricket ground - there's always ample free space there. As I ambled down to catch my train drive, I spotted a water sprinkler in action, dowsing the wickets. I thought this was fair enough, as the wickets did look a bit sticky.

Imagine my surprise, as after my day out in the City, I returned to see the silly groudsman persist in flooding the pitch with yet more water. It was absolutely soaked! This is just not cricket. I shall be writing to the CCC (and Southern Water) to complain.

BBC strike

2005-05-23T22:00:00.000Z

I was utterly angry to see that today's BBC transmissions were hit by a staff strike. Many of the news programmes were slimmed down, whilst the radio played constant repeats. I for one shall be writing to the BBC and asking for a rebate on today's hogwash.

Monks and TV

2005-04-08T19:40:00.000Z

I heard today on the Sarah Kennedy Radio Two Dawn Patrol show that a sect of monks have hired a TV for the day so that they can watch the Pope's funeral. Nothing too out of the world in that, other than many of them have never seen moving pictures on such a contraption before. Now, I don't mind the friars watching the box, but I do hope they had to pay for a TV licence. Fair's fair.

My grandson has told me how to added "Web links", so I hope this will take you to a BBC story: Click the thing HERE. (I hope that's done the job.)

Where's Jordan?

2005-03-31T19:27:00.001Z

I do not wish to labour on the model who is known as Jordan, but if anyone can tell me where exactly she lives in Rotherfield, I would be very statisfied.

Where's Jordan?

2005-03-31T19:27:00.000Z

I do not wish to labour on the model who is known as Jordan, but if anyone can tell me where exactly she lives in Rotherfield, I would be very statisfied.

Jordan, again

2005-03-15T11:08:00.000Z

Well, after all the tales about that brothel in nearby Maresfield and the model called Jordan moving in, it would appear that the village really has gone to the dogs.

I now hear that that model has planted a big six-foot fence all round her property. I shall be travelling down there soon to investigate.

The Eurovision Song Compost and Natasha Kaplinsky

2005-03-07T12:29:00.000Z

Did anyone happen to stumble across the Eurovision Song Contest on Saturday night, or as I like to call it, the Eurovision Song Compost? I see that yet another singer had what we now call a "wardrobe malfunction", and managed to expose the bosom, like that LaToya Jackson did at that damn Yankee ball game, last year.

I don't know why Mr Terry Wogan continues to associate his name with this terrible programme. However, I was not all surprised to see Natasha Kaplinsky on the blooming telly again, or as Mrs Thompson likes to call her, Natasha Slapinsky.

Inclement weather

2005-02-26T20:18:00.000Z

This cold snap only serves to show up the inadequacies of both our weather forecasters and local councils.

Firstly, one can get a clearer picture of the upcoming weather by simply nailing a piece of seaweed to one's property. Countless times the weathermen and weathergirls said the snow was going to get worse in the south east, but did it? Did it heck. We did get a heavy sprinkling of the white stuff but it was hardly Arctic conditions.

Having said that, the local council really does need to start salting the pavements of our towns and villages. Some of them were quite treacherous. Of course, I feel extremely safe when I'm pootling around in my trusty Volvo, but put me on the icy boardwalk and I fear I may fall and break my sternum.

The hypocracy of football on BBC

2005-02-20T18:04:00.000Z

I settled down today after an early Sunday lunch (cooked by the obliging Mrs Thompson), to watch Burnley FC versus Blackburn Rovers on the television. Midway through the second half of an absorbing local derby, a streaker ran onto the pitch. However, for all their wisdom, the BBC choose not to show these naked people on our TVs. I just cannot understand it. They showed a coin and a mobile phone hitting Manchester United's goalkeeper in the televised game on Saturday night. They even showed people being blown up in the Second Iraq War. But, they draw the line at streakers. Come on the BBC, I pay my TV licence to watch things like this.

What is this all about?

2005-02-09T08:44:00.000Z

Could someone please tell me who this "Pete Doherty" is and why all the newspapers and television broadcasts keep showing his face? From what I can deduce, he is in a band called Libery X and is a drug addict. So why is my paper, The Times, indulging in him? Needless to say, I have written to the editor in a bid to seek out the facts.

What is the fuss?

2005-01-14T16:03:00.000Z

So Prince Harry (nee Prince Harold) likes to dress up as a Nazi and wear a swastika on his arm in his spare time. I cannot see what the fuss is all about. This is hardly surprising behaviour from a boy who comes from the German Saxe-Coburg-Gotha family.

Trouble buying safety pins

2005-01-13T13:32:00.000Z

Last Sunday, at about 11 o'clock, my wife ordered me out of my comfy chair to purchase some safety pins. Not wanting an argument with the good lady whilst she was cooking our dinner, I trundled off to Crowborough town centre. Would you believe it, but I had to try four shops (yes, FOUR), before I could track down some blooming pins.

Waitrose did not have any.
Safeway (or Morrisons, or whatever they're called) did not have any.
The newsagent did not have any.

Not only that, but staff in the two supermarkets did not have a clue if they sold saftey pins or not. They would point me in the direction of an aisle, and let me get on with it.

Eventually, good old Woolies (or Woolworths, as younger readers may know them) came up trumps. So, if ever you need a safety pin to keep your trousers up, take my advice and visit Woolies.

Happy New Year to the people of Sussex

2005-01-09T16:17:00.000Z

Let's hope and pray for a better 2005.

All the best,

Your friend, Howard Thompson

Disgusting Daily Express newspaper

2004-12-12T08:49:00.000Z

I couldn't believe my eyes after buying the Daily Express this Saturday. I was perusing the accompanying 'Saturday' supplement magazine to find a suitable wildlife programme to watch with my wife, when I spluttered across TV listings for a channel called 'Television X'. Why on earth a respectable newspaper would want to highlight the filth that is evidently broadcast on such a depraved channel is beyond me. Here are some of the 'programme' titles that the Daily Express obviously have no qualms printing in a family newspaper:

Betty Swallocks
My Wife's A Slut
D*ldo Dan
Filthy British Sluts
P*ssy Malone
C*cks and Throbbers
Superd*ck
C*m On My Face
R**ctal ooter

These are not my asterisks but the papers. I assume that the so-called editors of the paper have done a bit of work in trying to sanitise these dirty titles. After reading this I decided to throw the newspaper in the bin, as my grandchildren were due to spend some time with us over the weekend. I certainly did not want little Sammy and Marvin reading all about 'ooters'.

Needless to say, I have complained to the editor of the 'Saturday' supplement, one Graham Bailey (saturdayexpress@express.co.uk), to see what he has to say about this.

Crowborough's Christmas tree

2004-12-11T20:09:00.000Z

Today I noticed Crowborough has finally got a Christmas tree. It's about six foot high and is positioned above a shop in order to prevent the local hoodlums from attacking it.

Crowborough Caves calendar

2004-12-08T23:14:00.000Z

It is my duty as Secretary of the Caves of Crowborough to notify you all that this year's charity calendar is available now. We have printed 100 copies, so it is strictly first come, first served. I heartily recommend you buy a copy and support the campaign to re-open our long-forgotten Caves.

The Pantiles Christmas weekend

2004-12-08T23:03:00.000Z

Well, I have to comment on the weeekend event held in The Pantiles of Tunbridge Wells. The local paper (The Courier) set up an outdoor ice skating rink amidst great fanfare. To be honest, they shouldn't have bothered and certainly should have restrained from blowing their own trumpet with such force. For a start, the rink was quite small. Secondly, it was very busy with lots of children eager to play on it. And lastly, there was no ice. It was just a job-load of 'shiny' chipboard. I drove down especially from Crowborough with my old ice-skating boots, eager to show my wife that I could still hit the mustard. All I got was the usual, 'go home grandad' chants. Needless to say, I shall be writing a letter of complaint to The Courier.

Merry Christmas? Bah Humbug say Crowborough town council!

2004-12-04T16:30:00.000Z

An interesting story hit me on the front page of the Kent and East Sussex Courier. Crowborough (my hometown, as you know), is not to have a Christmas tree this year, after thugs ruined last year's one. What is this world coming to, I ask you? The mindless antics of a stupid few have denied all the good residents of East Sussex's largest inland town a festive fir. I am writing to the council to suggest placing a tree, then pointing any of the many CCTV cameras on said tree, apprehend anyone who looks like they wish to go climbing and then force them to clean the streets of litter.

2004-12-03T13:18:00.000Z

Some people never fail to amaze me

Whilst partaking in a brisk early morning walk across Tunbridge Wells Common, I stopped to admire the misty view of the cricket ground. A middle-aged woman approached (with brown hair, glasses and wrapped up well in a black coat) accompanied by a large black poodle-type dog. I watched intently as the said beast busied itself with urinating against all manner of objects in the environs. I can understand the need for any animal's instinctive urge to mark the territory they find themselves in. However, what got my goat was that this said doggie proceeded to empty its bowels on the cricket ground's boundary (where the third man might play, if you will), right under the sign beseeching the public to disallow their dogs from performing the very same act!

Dumbfounded and rendered speechless by the dirty dog owner's arrogant behaviour, I took upon coughing rather loudly, several times, but this caused no embarrassment to the bespectacled lady. Instead, she blundered ahead, removing herself from the scene of the crime. As I say, some people never fail to amaze me...

2004-10-31T15:55:00.000Z

What is this world coming to?
My ghast was well and truly flabbered by a story in my local newspaper - the Kent and Sussex Courier. It turns out that just down the road in Maresfield, some pimps turned a bungalow into a working brothel with two working girls. Just what is this world coming to!

Sometimes I dread to think what else the world has in store for us older folk, reared on good old fashioned family values. I dare say the whole Maresfield fiasco was not helped by the moving in of its latest inhabitant - one 'Jordan', whoever she is.

Well, all I can say is that our neighbours in Maresfield can keep there prostitutes and nude models. We do not want your type in Crowborough, thank you.

2004-08-26T18:05:00.000Z

Smoking and driving
We cannot drink and drive, so why are we allowed to smoke and drive? I like a good cigar every now and then, and only yesterday my thoughts turned to cheroots. So, I happily puffed on one whilst driving my Rover down to Southampton. Imagine my concern when I felt myself veering toward the grassy verge of the M25, following the effect of the tobacco. We must study the effect of tobacco on today's drivers.

2004-07-23T19:47:00.000Z

Hello friends, bloggers and family. Well, I'm finally back in good old England after my travels. I don't know if I'll be able to travel again so I made the most of the last few months - I shall reveal more when the time is ripe.

2004-04-27T11:58:00.000Z

Greetings from Hawaii!
Well, I have managed to track down an internet-enabled computer here in Hawaii in order that I can report back to the homeland. My wife and I are having a enjoyable time at the Hotel Molokai

I was suppose to meet a native fishing guide, Walter, through the Hotel Molokai yesterday, but there had been some emergency on Oahu. We toured the island and looked at the flats. This is probably the best area in the Hawiian
Islands for flats fishing for bonefish and trevally. I take to a guy that owned a kayak rental business called Fun Hogs. He caught bones with a spinning outfit using a strip of squid and a small sliding sinker rig. We waded out in the flats
but didn't know quite where to go and the tide seemed high when we out there. The flats are on the entire south shore of the island. I think that if you got hold of the Fun Hogs and Walter while you were there for a week you could get
some action. Summer might be better flats temperatures for bones to be on the flats?? Wind is less also. Have some #4/6 Pearl, Gold and Pearl Orange Charlies with chrome lead eyes as the water looked a little deeper than Christmas.

I also wanted to mention the work of the campaign to save the Caves of Crowborough which is continuing in my absence. I gather that one can now download a poster highlighting the plight of the Caves. I urge everyone in the locality to go to the site and display the poster in a prominent place.

Thank you,

Howard

2004-04-20T13:14:00.000Z

Annual vacation
My wife and I shall be taking our annual vacation next week. We are off to Hawaii and my wife is very excited. (I've been there before during my Navy years.)

2004-02-05T09:52:00.000Z

Disgustine Web sites
My youngest grandson Peter recently showed me a website he was looking out whilst staying in my home. I say he showed me, but really I was checking up on him to make sure he wasn't looking at anything too chary.

I looked over his shoulder in horror as he played me the most obscene, scabrous and coarse 'movie' about dwarves. For the sake of free speech I have included the hyperlink for the said item below, but I urge all regular readers to contact the makers of such material and ask for it to be removed. You can rest assured that I have already performed this public duty.

http://www.mrandmrswheatley.co.uk/isay.html

2003-07-17T09:19:00.000Z

Car horns should be banned
I am sure there are many of you out there who will agree with me on this issue. Car horns should be banned. In all my life I have never used a car horn - there is simply no need. Yet road users persist in honking and hooting each other on the roads. Ninety-nine per cent of the cause behind this is road rage.

Let us look at the Highway Code...

Rule 92
The horn. Use only while your vehicle is moving and you need to warn other road users of your presence. Never sound your horn aggressively. You MUST NOT use your horn

while stationary on the road

when driving in a built up area between the hours of 11.30 pm and 7.00 am except when another vehicle poses a danger.

Rule 190
... Do not scare animals by sounding your horn or revving your engine...

How many road users obey these simple rules? I am in the process of contacting the government and car manufacturers to urge them to re-think their car horn policies.

2003-06-24T10:42:00.000Z

Beckham sold to Real Madrid
As regular readers will know, I predicted this transfer over a year ago. I am not a football fan (I prefer the gentleman's game that is rugby), so needless to say will not be shedding any tears for the loss of England's captain to Spain.

2003-05-14T08:00:00.000Z

Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here
I must admit that I watched the new Celebrity Survivor programme and enjoyed its light entertainment. I was a Fashanu fan so was sorry to see he was not coronated King of the Jungle. As a black footballer he has experienced knocks in life, but has become a role model for everybody. (I wasn't keen on Wayne Sleep.)

2003-05-13T08:05:00.000Z

Supposed superman of Tunbridge Wells
Can you believe the rubbish they have been printing in The Courier regarding a "superman" going round the town doing good deeds? The excessive coverage impelled me to contact the newspaper, and I am glad to see they had the bravery to publish my letter:

Sir,

I could not believe the piece of hokum you published regarding the Tunbridge Wells supposed superhero - April Fools Day was over a month ago. It's time you got back to the serious issues of the day, such as dog mess in the environs of the Common.

I shall be obliged to cancel my order of the Courier if you continue with such frivolous "news" items.

Howard Thompson

2003-04-29T12:43:00.000Z

Tecwen Whittock
Mr Whittock was recently jailed for helping a bumbling major win a million pounds. However, this man went into the hotseat after the fraudulent army man and won £16,000. From press reports, it seems that he kept his winnings. Why?

2003-04-29T07:46:00.000Z

Do NOT forget
The local elections are being held this Thursday. Make sure you exercise your right to vote.

2003-04-01T10:50:00.000Z

Naming and shameing
I am still in the process of collating details of dog owners who refuse to clean up after their canines.

If you know of anyone (friends, neighbours etc) who are using our land as a dog toilet, please send them to me. (You can use the email link on the left.)

2003-03-25T15:48:00.000Z

More dog mess facts
Q: Is it dangerous for me to clear up after my dog. Won’t I get toxocariasis?
A: Toxocara eggs are not infectious until they embryonate. This is usually at least 2–-3 weeks after they have been deposited by a dog. Therefore freshly deposited faeces are not infectious, and you can safely clear up after your dog.

2003-03-25T15:39:00.000Z

Issue of dog mess refuses to go away
I have tracked down a supplier of sturdy construction scoopers, made of lightweight plastic and aluminium. They are available from www.envirobag.co.uk. With the "Gold Miner" no bending is required making it easy to use for all ages to scoop up dog waste. I recommend all dog owners visit this website.

2003-03-18T14:12:00.000Z

Robin Cook
It is with great sadness that I report the resignation of Robin Cook from the Cabinet.

In a riveting resignation speech to MPs, former cabinet minister Robin Cook attempted a forensic, line-by-line demolition of the prime minister's case. The Commons has never seen anything quite like it and Speaker Michael Martin was forced to demand order as the extraordinary display showed no sign of abating.

I'm sure that this dignant outburst will mean that the man will be remembered for his values, as opposed to his numerous extra marital affairs with women.

2003-03-18T14:01:00.000Z

Website names and shames
A transcript of my letter to The Courier (February 14):

It seems that my letter (Courier, February 21) has opened a can of worms about dog mess and the right of dogs to use the Common of Tunbridge Wells and its environs. I make no apologies for that. All I would like to add to this debate is a website my grandson has created: www.howardthompson.blogspot.com.

After discussions with the dog warden, I have taken to publishing what I consider to be details of dog owners who allow their pets to defecate on the land.

I welcome any readers who may like to send submissions and hope that this exercise of peer pressure will help clean up our lovely area.

Howard Thompson
Alice Bright Lane
Crowborough

2003-03-14T10:10:00.000Z

Welcome to readers of The Courier
I was very pleased to see that my latest letter to the highly-respected local paper was published this morning. To reiterate, I am collecting details of dog owners who allow their "pets" to pollute our green spaces. If you would like to email me any details of such criminals, please send them here.

2003-03-13T15:18:00.000Z

Dog mess facts
Q: How much faeces do dogs produce?
A: Dogs produce 1000 tonnes of faeces every day. Other estimates calculate that daily faecal and urinary output per dog is 100–200g and 0.25–1.25 litres!

2003-03-10T18:41:00.000Z

Let's clean up the muck
If you would like to email me details concerning members of the public who are letting their dogs foul our lovely country, please send them here.

2003-03-03T14:41:00.000Z

Weekend walk
Strolling around Tunbridge Wells the other day, I couldn't help but notice the appalling smell that visitors to Mount Ephraim have to put up with. This stench of rotting fish seems to emnate from the seafood restaurant that dominates the road. Needless to say, I have contacted the local authorities, and shall let you know of their response.

2003-02-27T20:09:00.000Z

Trying to make a difference with regard to dog mess
Following overwhelming support, I shall be compiling a dossier on dog walkers who use the environs of Tunbridge Wells Common, yet refuse to clear up their dog's mess. This shall begin from next week.

***

If anyone would like to send in names and details of people who they have seen foul the area, I would be glad to accomodate them. May I also take this opportunity to thank Tunbridge Wells Council and the Dog Warden for their co-operation in this scheme.

2003-02-27T12:29:00.000Z

War against Iraq
I was pleased to see that our MP Charles Hendry was brave enough to support the government's plans for war against Iraq. This is Saddam Hussein's last chance. Surely the time has now come to stop fannying around. For 12 years Iraq has been building up its weapons arsenal of mass destruction. Saddam has outlived some great leaders such as Bush (Senior), Thatcher and Major. Will we also let him beat Blair and Bush (Junior)? I certainly hope not.

When I was in the navy, we couldn't wait to get at the Germans. Life on the boats was good, and although we played tough, we worked tougher. I've got every confidence that today's men feel the same way.

2003-02-26T12:40:00.000Z

Matthew Kelly in the news
I wonder what people think about the entertainer Matthew Kelly who was outed as a paeodophile, but then cleared of all responsibility? Having charted the man's TV career, I'm sure that many of us could have told the police he was innocent, and I defended as such to friends and family throughout his trial and tribulation.

However, I am most concerned to hear that cocaine was found in his London home by the police. Granada TV have said that they are going to give Mr Kelly his 'Stars in their Eyes' job back, but I hope they are going to think twice about re-employing him. A drug-snorting presenter is not something I wish to view on a prime-time Saturday evening.

2003-02-26T09:25:00.000Z

More on dog mess
I thought it would be useful to clarify the law's penalties on leaving dog mess. Anyone caught failing to clear up after their dog, could be fined £25 on the spot and persistent offenders may be prosecuted and fined up to £1,000.

2003-02-25T08:45:00.000Z

New 'banner image'
I would like to thank Laurie, a friend of my youngest grandson Peter. Laurie has kindly designed and created my new "banner image" which you can see at the top of this page. The design is all his own work and I'm sure you'll agree that he has done rather well for himself. The only thing I would pick at is the "official" reference. There are many Howard Thompsons out there, but if my views of the common man can somehow represent half of the other Howards out there, I will be happy.

In return, Laurie has asked me to mention his band "Immune". They are an emo-grunge three-piece from Eastbourne, in East Sussex, influenced mainly by Tool, Boyhitscar and Far, but feel their style is their own. They have played at venues in and around Eastbourne, including The Forum in Tunbridge Wells. They are currently rehearsing new material and recording their debut EP.

Like me, they have a website which is here: www.immunesilenced.cjb.net/

2003-02-24T11:00:00.000Z

Hoon deserves holiday
I cannot for the life of me understand those people who have criticised our hard-working Defence Secretary, Mr Hoon. For those who don't follow the news, he has been vilified for taking his children on a half-term skiing trip. His opponents claim he should be preparing the troops for the war against terrorism.

In his defence, Hoon said "it was the first time off he had taken, including weekends, since the Christmas recess and added that his children were off school for half-term." (From BBC News)

Hoon's mother-in-law rightly defends her son-in-law in yesterday's Sunday Mirror: "He is in desperate need of a break, yes, my goodness gracious me. He is very tired."

Christmas recess ended on 7 January. Hoon has worked tirelessly for five weeks and he deserves this two-week break for half-term.

2003-02-22T08:57:00.000Z

Dog mess
Well, it seems that my letter to The Courier has caused a certain amount of debate. I am glad of that and make no apologies. At my local pub (The White Hart), we had a heated discussion about the nuisances of dog mess on the Tunbridge Wells Common.

I find it quite disgusting that people can walk their dogs in a public place and let them foul it. This type of behaviour rubs off in all our faces. If anyone would like to comment on this, please email me.

2003-02-21T19:45:00.000Z

My background
After seeing the world in the navy, I bought my father's drapery business. We made that a success then sold it off.

I left Wales and Cardiff behind me to move to the south east. Currently, I am working voluntarily for Crowborough Caves, a small band of committed souls, who are endeavouring to reopen the caves (which have been closed for many years).

Here is the website page: http://members.lycos.co.uk/crowboroughcaves

2003-02-21T19:39:00.000Z

Welcome
Hello. Welcome to my first opinion on my new website. I hope to share my views on today's world and am fairly sure that many of you will find them thought-provoking.